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WHO Confirms Hentaivirus Outbreak On Cruise Ship

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND—Urging the general public to remain calm, the World Health Organisation has confirmed an outbreak of the Hentaivirus Penismonary Syndrome (HPS) on the Villa Marina cruise ship. The Villa Marina, owned by Water Is Wet Cruises,...
WHO Confirms Hentaivirus Outbreak On Cruise Ship
Lawmakers Think They Can Muzzle The Wasted Onion, They're Correct

Lawmakers Think They Can Muzzle The Wasted Onion, They're Correct

When I first took the helm of The Wasted Company in 1856 after defeating my father in pancreas-to-pancreas combat, I swore to make the world a worse place. We accomplished this by offering an endless stream of hacked-up news slurry via our all-powerful newsroom at The Wasted Onion, powered by the...