WASHINGTON—Attempting to tackle the commander-in-chief to prevent him from causing himself further injury, White House staff were reportedly heard Friday begging U.S. President Donald Trump to stop shooting himself in the foot.

"Mr. President! Sir! Please, stop! Put the gun down!" reportedly pleaded a senior White House aide as the president aimed a 9mm calibre Glock 19 at his left foot. "Just take your finger off the trigger, Donald! Seriously! This isn't going to make your poll numbers recover! I don't want to have to call the medical staff in for the third time today! If you put the pistol down, I'll get you an Oreo McFlurry, okay? Deal?"

According to sources familiar with the matter, Secret Service agents were in the process of locking away all firearms in the White House inside gold-encrusted safes to prevent further instances of Trump inflicting bullet wounds to his feet. Furthermore, an anonymous tip from close to Sean Barbabella, the president's physician, confirmed that he had already treated Trump for four bullet wounds, three to his left foot and one to his right, which the president reportedly inflicted by accident, claiming he wanted to eliminate "the radical left tootsies."

"The radical left lunatics in the fake news media are trying to paint my foot shooting as un-American," said President Trump in defence of his actions to a press gaggle in the Oval Office after the reports first emerged. "My foot shooting is the best foot shooting of any foot shooter. No one shoots their own feet like I do. They're saying no other president in American history has shot their own feet like I have. You won't see a weak Democrat fire at their own feet like I do. They're too busy making them transgender."

At press time, aides were reportedly scrambling to prevent Trump from giving himself multiple back-to-back mega-wedgies to "own the radical left."