Welcome to The Wasted Onion, The Only News Source. Founded in 1734, our mission is to shine the bright light of journalism into the darkest corners of the world, while making what should probably be an illegal amount of money doing it.

We focus group the most important and trustworthy journalism that exposes the dark halls of power and asks the tough questions. They say "Democracy Dies in Darkness," we say "Hey, We’ll Totally Trade You This Democracy That’s Collecting Dust in Our Attic for a $100 Amazon Gift Card."

Having a daily readership of 6.7 trillion, The Wasted Onion eclipses any other pathetic so-called "news" organisations, such as the lesser New York Times or BBC. The Wasted Onion has also won many highly sought after awards, such as the award for the highest number of human rights violations in a single week in a newsroom.

Since 1856, The Wasted Onion's current CEO Clef Bozos has expanded the news organisations reach far beyond any conceivable boundaries, including even the space time continuum itself. Now operating in industries such as consulting, marketing, tax evading, lobbying, book burning and even the rigging of over 146 local and national elections across the globe.

Those that worry The Wasted Onion is being censored by its billionaire owner can rest easy, not just are our journalists free to investigate the things that matter most to you, they will get a free all-expenses-paid one-way trip to the core of the Earth if they ask enough questions.

Being a shell corporation of The Wasted Company, we are funded by only the most unethical and corrupt people to ever exist. That's how you know you can trust The Wasted Onion to speak truth-to-power only if it is convenient to do so and will not upset one of the many oligarchs that secretly fund our operations.

We now ask that you go forth and consume as much of our news slurry as your body can handle, any less will deem you as a target of our ever present journalistic mafia.