REDMOND, WA—Offering the first glimpse of the successor to Windows 11, tech giant Microsoft announced Friday that Windows 12 will introduce a new alternative to the standard executable file format, entitled murderables.

"As we look towards the next iteration of Windows, we must also look at the future of executable files," said Pavan Davuluri, Head of Windows and Devices. "As part of this forward-first approach, we are proud to announce that Windows 12 will introduce a new alternative executable file format, which we are naming murderables. A murderable functions much the same way as a traditional executable, but with an integrated layer of lethality built directly into the program installation process."

Murderables, which will appear with the filename extension .mrd, are a new proprietary file format developed by Microsoft with the help of vibe coding from Copilot. They function similarly to the well-known .exe file format. The main difference between the two formats is that a murderable file carries a 50% chance of killing the user via electrocution when opened.

"We firmly believe that putting the user in harms way greatly increases engagement and productivity," said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella following backlash from angered Windows users. "While it may seem unconventional to most, implementing a file format that has the chance of ending the consumer's life will most certainly make them more thoughtful of what they decide to install on their devices. No longer will users haphazardly install random software or allow a scammer to install screen-sharing software if they run the risk of death. We believe in the long term that Windows users will come to love murderables, much like how Stockholm syndrome works."

At press time, Microsoft clarified that users attempting to install alternative web browsers via a murderable file will face a 100% chance of electrocution, strongly recommending that consumers stick to the default Edge browser.