WASHINGTON—In response to gunshots being fired near the annual White House correspondents' dinner at the Washington Hilton, in which U.S. President Donald Trump and high-level members of his cabinet were in attendance and evacuated by the Secret Service, the White House has launched an app for future would-be assassins to book appointments for attempts to end the presidents life. "Following the incredible miracle of the president surviving yet another attempt on his life by radical left lunatics, we're proud to announce the new official Trump assassination booking app for aspiring political assassins. Ensuring they get a date and time that suits the president, Secret Service and themselves for their attempt on the presidents rapidly deteriorating life," said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt mere hours after the shooting. "We all know that President Trump is a very busy man. From coordinating Operation Epic Fury, to ushering in America's golden age and building his massive motherfucking ballroom. The president will need to be able to work assassination attempts against him around his packed schedule as commander in chief. That is why our new app will be vital in ensuring enterprising gunmen can keep their access to rooftops and other venues where they can see if they can finally land the bullet between President Trump's eyes." Soon after the app was released on the Apple and Google app stores, it received a massive wave of installs, with around 3.2 million bloodthirsty Americans downloading it so they can book an appointment to see if they can be the one to finally put the president out of his misery. At press time, Trump announced on Truth Social that he had hired a "assassination survival photographer" who will follow him at all times so they can ensure they get good photos of the president dodging bullets like he's Neo from the Matrix.