THE INTERNET—Finding themselves embroiled in verbal trench warfare and having to choose a side in an ever escalating online conflict, wasteof.money users declared war on each other Thursday over whether they like coleslaw or not. “I am formally declaring war against all you coleslaw enjoying motherfuckers, I am going to destroy you all. I swear that stuff is like if pencil shavings were drenched in mayonnaise. I’d rather eat a bowl of rusty nails,” said a post from user @thrat. “Uh oh, incorrect opinions are out on the offensive today, huh? Come on guys, coleslaw is peak! And if you disagree then you are my mortal enemy and I will ensure that you never find peace for the rest of your fucking miserable life, this is WAR,” declared noted coleslaw fan @han in another post. Both factions began taking more drastic measures, such as burning down restaurants that serve the side dish or consuming any they could find as more users were drafted into the ranks of the slaw haters or lovers, resulting in the tragic death of user @da-ta after being caught in the crossfire of a bowl of coleslaw being thrown between two ground troops of the lovers and haters tussling to either throw out or eat the coleslaw. At press time, the United Nations announced a peacekeeping mission to wasteof owner Jeffalo’s home to dismantle the Dell OptiPlex hosting the social media site to end the bloodshed.