GLEN COVE, NY—Leaving the journalism world in disarray, Toby Tyler, a reporter for The Wasted Onion, was found dead in the early hours of Thursday morning, with The Only News Source's CEO Clef Bozos being accused of murder. "We can confirm that a body found in Glen Cove, Long Island has been identified as a 34-year old male named Toby Tyler," said Christopher Ortiz, the Chief of Police for the Glen Cove Police Department. "While we are not naming any suspects at this time, we do have lines of inquiry that we are currently pursuing," claimed the police chief, seemingly too much of a pussy to name the all-powerful Clef Bozos. Further details released by the department confirmed that The Wasted Onion reporter was found in a black bin bag, cut into a million tiny little cubes, with a dog walker having found Mr. Tyler's remains, calling 911 while their dog ate some of the cuboid flesh. "I am innocent, I am as innocent as Elon Musk is innocent of being bad at video games," said the Messiah and CEO of The Wasted Company Clef Bozos in a statement posted on his Tumblr. "To claim that I would kill my own reporters is preposterous. I only order assassinations of reporters from lesser news outlets." At press time, The Wasted Company has purchased the Glen Cove Police Department and cut all the staff into millions of tiny triangles.