WESTMINSTER, LONDON—Leaving lawmakers perplexed on both sides of the political spectrum, VPN providers announced Sunday that there has been an unexplainable 100% increase in the usage of virtual private networks across the United Kingdom. “Today we can announce we’ve had a 100% increase in usage of our service over the last few days from the UK, we are currently unable to find the cause for this spike, but oh boy, our pockets are getting heavy trying to carry all of their finest British pounds!” said Andy Yen, CEO of Proton which runs ProtonVPN, with similar statements coming from other providers like NordVPN, ExpressVPN and PenisVPN. “We are aware of the current increase in VPN usage and we are working hard to find the root cause of this phenomena and what a VPN does exactly,” said a spokesperson for Ofcom, the UK’s TV, internet and telecommunications regulator while casually asking The Wasted Onion’s technology editor David Attenborough for his passport to verify he is actually an adult. Shortly after the interview, Ofcom announced it would disable the internet. When asked outside No. 10, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer asked what a VPN is, wondering if it was some newfangled AI thingamajig before proceeding to upload his drivers license to wasteof.money to view Jeffalo’s “spicy” alt account, according to the PM.