The Wasted Onion

U.S. To Gift Iran Nuclear Enrichment Starter Kits As Part Of Peace Deal

U.S. To Gift Iran Nuclear Enrichment Starter Kits As Part Of Peace Deal
18 JUNE 2026

ÉVIAN, FRANCE—Speaking as G7 leaders met to discuss international affairs, U.S. President Donald Trump confirmed that a proposed peace deal to end the Iran war would see the U.S. gift the Iranian government a series of nuclear enrichment starter kits, with around 5KG of uranium-235 included. "This deal, it's a very strong deal. Maybe the strongest, maybe the best deal in the history of deals. My deal is so much better than the one Obama did, which was a total disaster, by the way. We're going to give them [Iran] kits to make enriched uranium so they can rebuild their country. Everyone is saying it, ‘sir, this is a big, beautiful deal.’ Everyone is amazed at what the hottest country in the world is doing," said Trump to a press gaggle made up of confused French reporters attempting to translate the president's words into something coherent. "We would like to thank the United States and President Trump for finally drawing up this historic deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran to end the war," said Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian. "It was my privilege to mediate with the American delegation and with President Trump himself, as he is very much a unique statesman whom we were able to persuade into giving us what our nation was desiring. It's delightful the world's most powerful nation has a leader with an ego so easily satisfied." As the full peace deal was released, Democrats and some Republican lawmakers highlighted how the starter kits came complete with items such as 10 pairs of lead-lined gloves, a flat-pack gas centrifuge with assembly instructions, and a "Fission for Dummies" manual, which could allow Iran to build nuclear weapons if they had any sense and basic literacy skills. At press time, the kits had arrived in Iran via a FedEx flight, with many of them featuring small dents, with reports from eyewitnesses later indicating the FedEx flight was glowing green.