MANCHESTER, ENGLAND—Following the Supreme Court ruling that the terms “woman” and “sex” refer only to biological sex under the Equality Act 2010, the Equality and Human Rights Commission issued new draft guidance Thursday banning transgender and gender non-conforming people from entering bathrooms of their gender or biological sex. “We have submitted our statutory guidance to ministers this month in response to the Supreme Court’s April ruling regarding transgender and gender non-conforming people, which sets out new rules that restrict them from entering public restrooms of their preferred gender or biological sex. This applies to any organisation that provides a service to the public, like schools, hospitals, shops and those fake bathrooms in IKEA showrooms,” said a spokesperson for the EHRC in an interview at knifepoint. “We want to stress however that trans and gender non-confirming individuals are still protected from discrimination and harassment under the Equality Act, except in the case of bathrooms, sports and probably some other shit.” Reports suggested the EHRC plans to write further guidance that would ban trans people from going outside due to fears they could spread gender dysphoria to others. At press time, gender-critical activist and author JK Rowling posted a video to her X/Twitter page of her sniffing her mouldy walls before exclaiming that it was “the sweet smell of victory, bitches!”