MANHATTAN, NY—Detailing upcoming items to the president's extensive merchandise operation, the Trump Store has announced plans to sell the president's birthday letter to Jeffrey Epstein as a greeting card. “Wish someone a happy birthday the Trump way with the all-new and instantly iconic Jeffrey Epstein birthday letter greeting card! Featuring universally known lines such as ‘enigmas never age, have you noticed that?’ and ‘may every day be another wonderful secret,’ which are complimented by majestic artwork by Donald Trump depicting the silhouette of a woman with the renowned arcs denoting her breasts, complete with the legendary Donald signature mimicking pubic hair. Don’t wait, pick up the greatest card of all time now!” said the product description on the Trump Store’s official website. “We all know that Epstein is a Democrat HOAX! Just like the Russia, Russia hoax. This so-called letter I wrote is yet more EVIL manipulation from the RADICAL WOKE LEFT trying to SMEAR ME! I did NOT write or sign this letter! But since the WOKE MOB is convinced I did, I will now SELL IT ON THE TRUMP STORE! PURCHASE WHILE STOCKS LAST! PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP,” said the president on Truth Social. The Trump Store also announced a “lush bush” variant of the greeting card, featuring extra copies of the “totally fabricated” signature for “an extra hairy greeting.” At press time, when asked by reporters in the Oval Office why he would sell a birthday message to a notorious paedophile that he claims is fake and a hoax as a greeting card, Trump responded by instructing ICE to deport the entire press pool to somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.