WASHINGTON—Remarking that it was a "beautiful Christmas miracle” Wednesday, U.S. President Donald Trump signed an executive order declaring that he is Santa Claus. “Today is a great day for our country. Possibly the greatest of all the great days, that’s what they say, it's true. I’m going to be the greatest Santa Claus, the only Santa you’ll need. You’ll get all the presents, each and every single one. I will also stop the illegal aliens invading our country and killing our dogs and eating our people from receiving presents on Christmas day,” said the president moments after signing the executive order while wearing a red Santa outfit with “Make The North Pole Great Again” emblazoned on the crotch area. “The woke left lunatics made our once great North Pole weak and sad. They made all the elves transgender and made the reindeer all computer. They even made Rudolph's red nose an LED to make it all ‘eco’ or whatever garbage the climate terrorists talk about. We’re going to fix that, we’re going to deport Mrs. Claus for being an illegal Mexican DEI hire and bring back merit to the once respected North Pole.” The president also said that as Santa Claus, he would leave presents under the trees of children that he thinks would give him the best massage, rather than the traditional method of visiting every child who was on the nice list on Christmas Eve. At press time, panic had gripped the White House following the realisation that a spelling error in the executive order meant the president had declared himself Satan rather than Santa.