The Wasted Onion

Trump Renames ‘Los Angeles’ To ‘The Angels’

Trump Renames ‘Los Angeles’ To ‘The Angels’
12 JUNE 2025

WASHINGTON—Speaking in the Oval Office Thursday following further protests around the country against his administration's controversial immigration raids, President Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming Los Angeles to The Angels, the English translation of the city's Spanish name. “We are making The Angels great again, because they haven’t been as of late. These illegal alien thugs have been running rampant on the streets for far too long, they even hijacked our American cities with some sort of other language, we’re gonna fix that. I mean, who doesn’t like angels? I like angels, I also like Charlie’s Angels,” said the President after signing the executive order. “The Democrats would never do this, never, no. They’re too busy getting the courts to stop us from deporting these evil illegals from our beautiful nation, destroying our perfect English language with weird un-American ones, and trashing good movies like Charlie’s Angels.” Trump continued, saying that the 45% critic rating for Charlie’s Angels on Rotten Tomatoes was because of the “woke mind virus.” At press time, sources close to the President claimed that other options suggested for the Californian city included “Los Santos,” the fictional city in the video game Grand Theft Auto 5, which was regarded by the President as “badass” according to reports.