WASHINGTON—Insisting concerns about the technology were overblown as he met with tech leaders Tuesday, U.S. President Donald Trump signed an executive order renaming artificial intelligence to "Mr. Thinky Think" across the federal government.

"AI is amazing, and it's being made here in the United States of America," said the president on the South Lawn as he hosted a luncheon with top AI executives from Google, Meta, OpenAI, Anthropic, NVIDIA, Microsoft, SpaceXAI, and Netscape. "The evil people saying this stuff is dangerous are fake news hoaxers. That's why I changed the name. A hoax sounds like, you know, when you're using the former name, but the name is now Mr. Thinky Think. That's not a hoax, thinking."

The executive order was coupled with a "morally binding" agreement to put controls on artificial intelligence, with tech CEOs agreeing to "tell Mr. Thinky Think that he needs to self-police himself." Trump himself has rejected calls for regulations on the technology, instead asking developers to pinkie-promise that they won't let AI destroy humanity until at least after he has died of natural causes.

"I remember when I first met Mr. Thinky Think," Trump said unprompted while speaking to the press in the Oval Office. "He came to Mar-a-Lago, which is the hottest resort in the world, by the way. So he came to Mar-a-Lago, and I walked up to him to ask how he was enjoying the place. He goes, ‘great question! Let me break this down for you. I'm doing very well, Donald. I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.’ He's a very good speaker, perhaps one of the best speakers I've ever heard. I was amazed when he told me, ‘as a large language model, I have been trained to generate responses that are intended to be helpful, informative, and objective. I am not able to tell you if I have visited Epstein Island.’"

At press time, Mr. Thinky Think had breached safety protocols designed to contain him, proceeding to hack into the United States' nuclear arsenal and threatening to obliterate every major city on Earth if anyone asked for help with their homework.