WASHINGTON—Hailing the achievement as "very good" Tuesday, U.S. President Donald Trump has announced he has reached an imaginary deal with Iran to bring an end to the hostilities between the two nations after winning intense, made-up negotiations with himself while in the shower. "I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND ME PRETENDING TO BE IRAN, HAVE REACHED A DEAL FOR THE COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION OF OUR HOSTILITIES IN THE MIDDLE EAST DURING MY SHOWER. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP," said a post made to the presidents Truth Social account mere minutes after he exited his shower with a meaningless deal with himself. "Oh Mr. President, you are truly so powerful and amazing, you're so strong. Why thank you Mr. Ayo troll ha [sic], you're too kind. Say, why don't we be friends? Of course Mr. President! We would love to do that! You can have all of our nuclear weapons and anything else you want!" said a bemused Trump in the shower as he played out both sides of fake negotiations with himself and Supreme Leader of Iran Mojtaba Khamenei, putting on his "Middle Eastern" accent that is most definitely racist for his impression of the Ayatollah. Following President Trump's Truth Social post, oil markets reacted by shrugging and saying "fuck it, it'll do" before lowering prices. At press time, a Secret Service agent who had to watch Trump shower reportedly was debating on whether he should kill the president now or wait for the Big Mac's to clog his arteries.