TOWER HAMLETS, LONDON—Causing shock across the international community, U.S. President Donald Trump has been hospitalised in the Royal London Hospital after having a sausage roll from British bakery chain Greggs. “We can confirm that the President is currently being given medical care from the Royal London Hospital after consuming a Greggs sausage roll that was found to be hotter than the surface of the sun,” said a spokesperson for the Royal London Hospital while Secret Service agents walked around the hospital's car park aimlessly like lost puppies. “The president's condition is currently stable, well, as stable as he can be given he has a bruise on his hand, swollen ankles, and god knows what other unholy things are going on inside the labyrinth that is his body.” First Lady Melania Trump was found standing like a Madame Tussauds wax figure outside Buckingham Palace while King Charles drooled from the other side of the gates. At press time, British Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer had visited the president in the hospital, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead before whispering “get well my sweet president” into Trump's ear.