WASHINGTON—Declaring the weather phenomenon's "reign of terror" officially over, U.S. President Donald Trump announced Sunday that Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents have successfully deported all pending hurricanes attempting to make landfall on American soil.

"These illegal alien hurricanes have been destroying the wonderful American dream for many years," said the president in the Oval Office between his hourly naps. "That is why our brave ICE agents are deporting them. Not just some like Sleepy Joe Biden. All of them. Every single one is going back to where they came from. It's true. ICE is deporting hurricanes back to the Pacific and Indian oceans, and they won't stop for anyone, not the courts, not the woke liberal crooked Democrats, and certainly not logic. No other president has been brave enough to do this, but we're doing it now, and we won't stop."

The new initiative will see ICE agents and the Coast Guard intercept various kinds of meteorological events, ranging from hurricanes to lightning, and serve them deportation notices. If an offending weather pattern does not course correct in an orderly fashion, ICE agents will reportedly detain and deport the system to an alternate ocean. According to the White House, the Trump administration plans to offload domestic weather events to anywhere on Earth, happily leaving other nations to battle imported hailstorms, flash flooding, and volcanic eruptions.

"The president is doing something that every sensible American has wanted for decades," said U.S. Vice President JD Vance in defence of the administration's new weather policy. "NOAA is simply not fit for purpose. They use things like ‘science’ and ‘forecasting’ to predict these so-called ‘natural’ weather events. Well, we see things differently. These hurricanes, tornadoes, and so on have been invading our homeland for centuries without ever paying a dime. We think that is simply not good enough. If you are a hurricane wishing to ravage a small town, you either pull yourself up by your bootstraps, or ICE will deport you."

At press time, 20 ICE agents were reported to be lost at sea in the Atlantic Ocean after attempting to serve a self-deportation notice to a category 4 hurricane off the coast of Florida.