WASHINGTON—Shyly scurrying past several White House staff and aides as they made their way into the Oval Office like scared kittens, the Trump boys reportedly asked their father Thursday who “Uncle Bubba” is. “Daddy, I’m really, really confused right now, everyone was talking about a strange ‘Bubba’ man when we were playing tag in the West Wing. Even Uncle Hedgeseth [sic] was talking about it when he was drinking his ‘grown up juice,’” said a visibly distraught Eric Trump, fiddling with his hands and sticking out his lower lip to hold back tears as his older brother, Donald Trump Jr., looked meekly at his father with his toy Trump phone gripped firmly in his hands. “Auntie Ham [sic] said you and Uncle Bubba were the bestest of buddies. She said you and Uncle Epstein used to play together all the time! He sounds so awesome, daddy! Can we meet him? Do you think he’ll think the fart sounds I make with my mouth are cool? Can I show him my ICE costume? Daddy, did you blow bubbles with Uncle Bubba?” At press time, the Trump boys were asking their father if they too could “blow bubbles with Bubba.”