MIAMI, FL—Adding to his already extensive personal merchandising operation Saturday, U.S. President Donald Trump has announced his own personal theme park named “Trump Land” that will be built in Miami, Florida. “As the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, I am proud to announce TRUMP LAND! An ALL NEW Theme Park coming to Miame [sic], Florida! It will be the GREATEST theme park in the WORLD! SO EXCITING! Our beautiful nation will finally have a theme park it can be proud of! Unlike the woke and fake mainstream Theme Parks like Disney World and their DEI ROLLERCOASTERS,” said a post made to the president’s Truth Social account. “I love Miami, I’ve won there many times. By a massive margin. They love me there, they say it all the time; ‘oh, Mr. Trump, you’re the best. Mr. Trump, can you impregnate me?’ It’s true, they really said that. That’s why Trump Land is going to be in Miami, Barron is going to run it, he’ll do great, he’ll also get to pick a girlfriend from all the girls that visit the park,” said Trump in the Oval Office. Alongside the announcement from the president, the Trump Organization released renderings of the upcoming theme park with various attractions such as the “Crooked Joe Biden Bumper Cars,” “Capitol Riot Hide-And-Seek,” “Hang The Mike Pence,” “Liberal Media Fake News Rollercoaster,” “Hack The Hillary Clinton Email Server Escape Room” and a museum featuring the photos of every woman the president has grabbed the pussy of. At press time, the Trump Organization clarified that visitors to the upcoming theme park would be shot on sight if they mentioned disgraced financier and paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.