WASHINGTON—Harnessing the power of the executive branch Wednesday, the Trump administration has begun the process to remove Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Juneteenth from the collective memories of American citizens. “As part of the president’s courageous and righteous crusade to bring back merit to our great nation, the United States government is devising a plan to erase the so-called Martin Luther King Day and Juneteenth federal holidays from the memories of every single citizen of this great nation. The woke DEI programs instituted by crooked Joe Biden have made America weak. President Trump is making America great again by removing random shit that people aren’t even complaining about,” said White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt during a press briefing moments before a bright white light enveloped the room. “Huh? Where am I? Who are you people? What are we doing here? Um, hold on a moment. Ah yes, I’m here to call all you news whores little beta woke cuck losers,” said Leavitt with a blank expression on her face. Following what is believed to be the erasure of America’s memories, the White House had reportedly planted a new federal holiday into the public's memory called “Trump’s Penis Appreciation Month.” At press time, Trump officials were seen walking the walls of the White House in a dazed, confused state, indicating everything was running like normal after the memory erasure.