INVERNESS, SCOTLAND—Citing a noticeable dip in productivity during the current quarterly review Tuesday, The Wasted Onion's graphic design department has been ordered to "lock in" in the office basement by CEO Clef Bozos.

"Unfortunately, our current projections show a severe decline in convincing photoshopped images that trick the masses into thinking what we write is true," said Clef Bozos, the CEO of The Wasted Onion's parent company The Wasted Company. "This is in large part due to the graphic design department, who, to be frank, have been slacking recently. Here at The Only News Source, we tolerate nothing less than absolute, unblinking loyalty to The Wasted Onion brand and its various offshore tax havens. With all of that in mind, I have ordered the design team lock in in the office basement."

The order, which has been described by management as a "team-building exercise," has resulted in the entirety of the outlet's graphic design staff being locked into the newsrooms basement, with Mr. Bozos himself having swallowed the key. According to editorial staff working on the ground floor, muffled screams pleading for mercy could be heard emanating from the floor vents, accompanied by an HR manager cracking a whip and ordering staff to "lock the fuck in" or else.

"Any insinuation that The Wasted Onion is doing anything illegal is simply ridiculous and makes you look like a big stinky loser," said Paul Woodman, Head of Legal at The Only News Source. "We have simply asked our design team to take a brief, mandatory trip down to our very cosy subterranean holding pen to maximise their potential. We understand that the youths of today call this ‘locking in,’ and we find that we can communicate our need to boost productively much easier by using modern terminology and a sprinkle of workplace violence."

At press time, the graphic design department had sufficiently "locked in," resulting in the reinforced basement door unlocking and herding the surviving employees into The Wasted Onion's sprawling maze of saw traps.