INVERNESS, SCOTLAND—Marking a year since The Only News Source joined the social media site, The Wasted Onion has announced it will donate a $1 Tim Hortons gift card to wasteof.money owner Jeffalo. "The last year for us has been one of our best in our 291 year history. Thanks to our expansion into the smuggling of Fentanyl, as well as The Wasted Onion joining wasteof. We've now reached over 1 trillion people on there alone with our beautiful and arousing journalism, making us a conservative £1 quadrillion . To celebrate a year on the platform, I have personally sent one of my many hitmen to hand the sites owner Jeffalo a Tim Hortons gift card with a cash value of CA$1," said Wasted Company CEO Clef Bozos at the publications uranium enrichment laboratory. "I'm sure it will be put to good use by Jeffalo, he can get himself a very lovely coffee and smile knowing he is saving a dollar all thanks to the generosity of us here at The Wasted Onion and Canada's most prestigious chain coffeehouse brand." Mr. Bozos commended The Wasted Onion newsroom for posting at least once every single day to wasteof in 2025, strangling an assistant who mentioned the publication technically missed a few days due to outages on the social media site. At press time, The Wasted Company announced it overestimated its profits of over £1 quadrillion, realising it was more or less £0, resulting in the company begging Jeffalo to return the Tim Hortons gift card to keep the company afloat.