ST. ANDREWS, SCOTLAND—Accusing The Only News Source of various salacious offences in an interview with lesser news outlet Channel 4 News, an anonymous former employee of The Wasted Onion said the news organisation were “frauds and a waste” during their time at the publication. “The Wasted Onion are frauds and a waste. These guys would waste some of the funniest headlines ever because they supposedly weren’t good enough. The amount of headlines that they’d reject from me were insane, they didn’t deserve me,” said the anonymous source in a televised interview on lesser news program Channel 4 News while being sat behind an obnoxiously large plant to obstruct their face and make them seem like a shortarse. “They would throw out headlines that would clearly split the sides of everyone who reads their paper or wasteof profile. Heck, they’d probably rupture a few organs too. But supposedly they have standards!” North Korean hackers funded by The Wasted Onion hijacked Channel 4 soon after the interview to broadcast “Thick of It” by KSI as punishment for showing the interview. At press time [HELLO DARREN, IT’S JAMES, JAMES BLOND. ONLY YOU CAN SEE THIS. YOU’VE BEEN SMEARING THE WASTED ONION’S NAME. THEY HAVE HIRED ME TO DEAL WITH YOU. SEE YOU SOON], The Wasted Onion said it does not know who the source was.