NASHVILLE, TN—Going back to the drawing board following the botched execution of Christa Pike, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee announced Friday that the state would begin executing death row inmates by having them step on LEGO bricks.

"There is no one that wanted what happened last night to happen," said Mr. Lee at a press conference a day after the failed execution of Ms. Pike. "It’s a tragedy, and it’s deeply disturbing that has happened in this state. The people deserve better than that. This incident has shown that lethal injection is no longer the viable method that it once was. So to my fellow Tennesseans, this is my promise to you going forward: we are going to adapt our methods by introducing a new method centred around having death row inmates repeatedly stepping on LEGOs scattered across the execution chambers floor until they die from foot trauma."

However, experts in capital punishment swiftly questioned the ethics and effectiveness of the new method. Adam Scott, a journalist who has witnessed over 20 executions across the U.S. without ever being asked to, warned that the suggestion to have death row inmates step on LEGO bricks is "a slow and very ineffective way of putting someone to death," adding that traditional methods like a firing squad or throwing the inmate into shark-infested waters are far more efficient. Meanwhile, human rights advocates questioned whether the method constituted cruel and unusual punishment, foolishly forgetting that this is America, fuck yeah.

"While we have been working tirelessly to procure the LEGOs required to administer this method, we have found ourselves hitting significant roadblocks," said Tennessee Commissioner of Correction Frank Strada. "We've tried acquiring tubs of LEGOs from Walmart, but they refused to sell them to us after they found out we were planning on using them to kill death row inmates. We then tried a local LEGO store, but they wouldn't even let us walk in through the door, claiming it was ‘antithetical to the LEGO brand’ to sell their colourful bricks for usage in state executions. Cowards."

At press time, the Tennessee Department of Correction urged residents across the state to mail any spare LEGO bricks they have in their homes directly to the agency's headquarters in an effort to procure the quantity needed to carry out upcoming executions.