THE INTERNET—Throughout its troubled and divisive time online, social media platform Blaze did bring the internet together in agreement on one aspect of its existence; that it used competing social media site wasteof far more than its own. “It’s honestly quite odd how Blaze seemed to use wasteof at higher frequency and was likely more well known on that platform rather than its own site that it was supposedly promoting,” said renowned technology journalist Michael Soft after receiving a check for £23 from The Wasted Onion’s parent company. “There were some achievements that Blaze can be proud of, such as defeating the UK’s Online Safety Act by not implementing ID checks, which as we all know famously caused the UK government to instantly collapse and the House of Commons to disintegrate while the Online Safety Act evaporated. All because Blaze was brave enough to fight 10 Downing Street like a hardened soldier battling valiantly in the trenches like how they do in movies." Mr. Soft went on to explain that while Blaze did achieve such a monumental feat, it was still inexplicably using wasteof more than its own site, hypothesising that “maybe they didn’t endorse Trump hard enough.” At press time, Israeli web development platform Wix announced it would be filing for bankruptcy, explaining in a statement that it lost significant revenue after Blaze announced its plans to shutter operations.