THE INTERNET—Pleading with the public in a pre-recorded statement from the Crack House, wasteof President Kiwi urged the public not to delete their old Minecraft Xbox 360 worlds, citing his own personal experience as a reason for issuing the statement. “My fellow citizens, I am speaking to you from the Crack House to urge you to not delete your abandoned Minecraft Xbox 360 Edition worlds. Washing your old worlds to the sands of time is one of the most painful experiences one can experience, one that never truly leaves you. You may think it’s not a big deal, but trust me when I say this; it is. I myself have done this very act out of pure arrogance, thinking that losing my old world on my Xbox 360 would mean nothing to me, but in reality, I was a changed man after I did the unthinkable,” said the president as tears fell down his face. “I honestly never wanted to talk about this, about the pain of losing all of my old Minecraft worlds on my Xbox 360, my youth, gone within a blink of an eye out of my own stupidity, I will never get back what I lost. Trust me, I begged Mojang for years to give me them back, but alas, there was no way to get them back, now I must live with the trauma of never seeing Mr. Fluffy Butt again.” After completing his remarks, the video continued for another 2 minutes, with the president mourning the loss of Mr. Fluffy Butt, his dog that he tamed in one of his many now deleted Minecraft worlds. At press time, Minecraft developers Mojang sent a letter of apology to President Kiwi, with reports that the letter read “who the fuck are you and what the hell is wasteof?”