EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Appearing for a court hearing regarding the timeline of his crimes in which he made purchases during a 12-year period with over £400,000 of embezzled funds from the Scottish National Party, it was revealed Tuesday that former SNP Chief Executive Peter Murrell purchased a body pillow that looks like a baguette. "The defendant then proceeded to purchase what is described on the online storefront listing as a ‘simulation bread pillow’ for £48.60 in 2019. Paid with money that the defendant admitted was embezzled. He told an aide that the bread-like pillow was ‘extremely soft and crispy,’" read out Advocate Depute Alan Cameron KC to the court, saying the estranged husband of former Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon also purchased less important items like cars and a motorhome. The Amazon listing, titled "31.5 Inch 3D Simulation Bread Pillow, Food Pillow, Soft Butter Toast Bread Cushion, Lumbar Baguette Back Cushion, Funny Food Plush Stuffed Toy," is still available on the e-commerce store, and makes an excellent gift for a partner, friend, or family member, according to pillowology experts. The listing also provided further assurances, such as how the baguette-shaped pillow is "skin-friendly," can function as a "human body pillow," and is "fluffy and plump," indicating the employee who wrote the copy for the product gets horny for French bread. At press time, Nicola Sturgeon claimed she was not aware of the baguette body pillow, claiming she instead bought a body pillow of former Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond with her own money, going on to state she cries herself to sleep at night with it.