HOLLYWOOD, CA—Following the bombshell news that it would acquire the entertainment icon for a whopping $72 billion, streaming giant Netflix announced that it plans to shut down Warner Bros. for a tax write-off if it succeeds to acquire the company. “Our mission has always been to entertain the world. By combining Warner Bros.’ incredible library of shows and movies—from timeless classics like Casablanca and Citizen Kane to modern favorites like Harry Potter and Friends—with our culture-defining titles like Stranger Things, KPop Demon Hunters and Squid Game, we'll be able to get an even fatter tax write-off, the likes of which you have never seen before. Together, we can give audiences more of what we force upon them and help define the next century of storytelling by increasing shareholder value at any and all costs to the detriment of creatives everywhere no matter where they hide,” said co-CEO of Netflix Ted Sarandos. “With our global reach and proven business model, we can strip Warner Bros. for parts as we kill project after project for tax write-offs—giving our members less options, forcing more fans into our worst-in-class streaming service, consolidating the entire entertainment industry and creating as much goddamn value for shareholders as we can,” continued co-CEO of Netflix Greg Peters. In a brief interview with lesser news outlet Variety, CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery David Zaslav was seen giddily jumping on his tippy toes at the prospect of monumental layoffs and tax write-offs. At press time, Netflix announced it plans to acquire you for $1, going on to explain that it would need to layoff your left kidney and spleen to help finance the deal.