JERUSALEM, ISRAEL—Leaving both his supporters and critics confused as well as surprised Wednesday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has announced that he purchased Swiss social media site wasteof.money for $13. “It is with great enthusiasm that I can announce my bid for wasteof.money was successful. After short negotiations with the sites previous owners that were almost as constructive as the negotiations I’ve had with Hamas, I officially acquired wasteof for ₪42.50 [$13]. I have great plans for the small but bustling social media site; such as a new moderation team run by the IDF and Mossad that will protect users from harmful content, such as posts advocating for the humane treatment of the so-called Palestinians,” said the Prime Minister outside the Beit Aghion. “One of the many reasons I decided to purchase wasteof is to root out the horrific antisemitism rife on the platform. The amount of people who seem to believe that the people of Gaza and the West Bank deserve human rights and dignity is horrifying. This will need to be solved in the only way possible, by getting Elon Musk to fuck the site up beyond recognition. We did think about airstriking the site, but we were sad to discover you cannot drop bombs on a website yet, we’ll get there eventually, and we’ll make sure to waste plenty of money doing it.” Mr. Netanyahu continued, stating that The Wasted Onion was to be banned from the site if it did not stop making fun of him and Israel, which is seen by experts to be near enough impossible. At press time, Netanyahu said he was planning on transitioning wasteof over to Israeli web development platform Wix, following the “success” of competing social media site Blaze which also used the platform.