REDMOND, WA—Providing an exciting update to gamers across the world, tech giant Microsoft has announced it will rerelease the Xbox 360 console for the budget price of $599.99. “We are excited to announce to gamers today that we are going to be rereleasing the beloved Xbox 360 in its original, outdated state for the all-new budget price of $599.99, which is a price anyone can afford, even you broke as hell bastards,” said Microsoft Gaming CEO Phil Spencer while pointing at a man and laughing in his face for not having enough money to purchase the rereleased console. “All the things you love about Xbox 360 are still here, the iconic design, the simple interface, the 20GB of HDD storage and of course the adored red ring of death! Now yours again for the easily affordable price of $599.99. Go buy it. Now, bitch.” In a later statement, the company went on to justify the new price by explaining that the original 2005 price for the console of $399.99 adjusted for inflation is roughly $663.53 in 2025, making the price chosen “generous, especially given we fucking hate you and only want you for your wallet,” according to the statement. At press time, Phil Spencer said Xbox was already hard at work searching the office for old original Xbox consoles they can rerelease at a new price of $899.99.