CENTENNIAL, CO—Ending in a tragic loss of life due to an unforeseen risk affecting doctors across the world, local cardiologist Dr. Frank Valdez was scared to death Tuesday after realising the manufacturer of the iPhone was called Apple. “It is with great sadness we must announce the tragic death of our beloved Frank Valdez. We ask for privacy at this time to grieve. We miss him dearly, his life ending far too short, meaning he won’t get to try the Liquid Glass interface in iOS 26,” said a statement from Dr. Valdez’s family. “It happened all so suddenly, I remember we just finished our shifts and were walking to our cars in the parking lot when Frank got out his phone to read a text and dropped it. When he went to pick it up he saw the logo and remembered the company was called Apple, then bam! He gasped and collapsed right there,” said Emily Rogers, a nurse who worked with Dr. Valdez who witnessed his untimely death. “What’s worse is that he was about to upgrade to an iPhone 16.” In a written statement to The Wasted Onion, the iPhone maker said it intentionally named itself Apple as “an Apple a day keeps the doctor away, as well as away from investigating the negative effects of using our products,” with a video attached of CEO Tim Cook walking into a paediatric hospital holding a Samsung Galaxy Note 7.