THE INTERNET—Sharing bombshell new findings after a "rigorous" scientific research process funded by the Crack House, Kiwi-Late Administration scientists have discovered a link between the use of Tylenol and model train set sales. “After a rigorous and time-consuming scientific study funded by the Crack House for $5, our administration scientists have found a conclusive link between Tylenol and an increase in sales of model train sets,” said Secretary of Health and Human Services Radi8 while President Kiwi and Vice President Late stood at either side of them doing Fortnite dances. “Hey, Radi8, you’re doing a great job, but just so you guys know, I’m the one who found the $5 to fund this study, so, y’know, you’re welcome! I actually found that $5 tucked between the couch cushions in the Oval Office, maybe Auriali accidentally left it there, or maybe it's a parting gift. Either way, science!” said the President after pushing Radi8 to the ground. When asked by a reporter how Tylenol, which is the same as paracetamol/acetaminophen, could be linked to an increase in model train set sales, the president and vice president dabbed in unison before proclaiming they were “dab[bing] on the haters.” At press time, Kenvue, owners of Tylenol, was reportedly assembling its legal department to sue the Crack House for the announcement, with insiders claiming Kenvue lawyers were rubbing their hands together with money symbols in their eyes.