CUPERTINO, CA—Insisting that the tech giant was taking a "courageous leap into a brave new future" Friday, Apple CEO John Ternus announced that he had personally ordered the removal of all RAM from the company's products lineups for shits and giggles, offering it instead as a $400 optional add-on.

"For years, random access memory has been an expected component in many consumer electronics," said the new Apple CEO during a press conference. "Including Apple products like iPhone, iPad, Apple Watch, MacBook, iMac, and Apple Newton. But in the current climate and point in time, as the brave, courageous innovators we are here at Apple, we must push the industry forward. That is why I am announcing today all Apple products will not come with RAM preinstalled, and rather will require a $400 optional upgrade to have it added to your favourite Apple products."

The announcement saw Apple enthusiasts to laud the move, praising it as the company living up to its famous "Think Different" motto, particularly due to how the thinking is so profoundly different from how any standard, normal, or legally sane person would think about removing a vital piece of hardware from devices like the iPhone and iPad.

"This is the biggest change at Apple since the iPhone X," said Neil Peck, a tech journalist from lesser news outlet TechCrunch. "The removal of something so vital to the operation of our devices is a massive shift in how consumers will look at how they purchase products. Having to consider RAM as an individual competent will certainly make users look more deeply at how much they require, and if its worth their money. Unless you're an Apple fanboy, in that case have fun with that new iPhone Duo with a $400 markup."

At press time, rival tech giants such as Samsung and Google released promotional videos mocking the announcement, even as internal reports from employees at their engineering teams confirmed they were rapidly ripping the RAM out of their products.