TRURO, CANADA—Holding a press conference hours after speculation began regarding the Canadians wellbeing, the Truro Police Service announced that Joe Canada, real name Jeff Douglas, known as the inventor of Canada, had died of a maple syrup overdose. “At 9am local time, an ambulance unit was dispatched to a Tim Hortons following a 911 call that a man was going into maple syrup induced shock. A police unit was also dispatched. It took emergency services around 10 minutes to respond due to the sheer amount of Tim Hortons in the area, around 197 I believe within a 5 mile radius. Once at the scene, paramedics gave the man treatment by feeding him more maple syrup, which unfortunately did not work,” said a spokesperson for the Truro Police Service, explaining they found Mr. Canada covered in poutine for some unknown reason. “After being rushed to the local hospital after we made a stop at another Tim Hortons, Joe Canada was pronounced dead at 4pm of a maple syrup overdose. We have found no evidence that there was foul play or anyone else involved in the death of Mr. Canada. His only company at the time of his death was his pet beaver called Reeves who started to build a dam out of pillows around the hospital room in sorrow.” According to authorities, Joe Canada’s last words were “I don’t pronounce it ‘aboot,’ I pronounce it ‘about.’” In reaction to his death, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney said Joe Canada was “a hero to us Canadians, being the inventor of our nation and protector, we will miss him dearly,” going on to announce that it would make America the 11th Canadian province in Mr. Canada’s honour.