JERUSALEM, ISRAEL—Making an end of year remark at the Knesset Friday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has released a highly anticipated list of every war crime Israel plans on committing against Palestinians in 2026. “It is with great enthusiasm and pride that I announce to you all today Israel’s 2026 list of war crimes it will commit against the so-called Palestinian people. From ethnic cleansing to genocide and the use of famine as a means of warfare, there is a war crime for every occasion in the new year. No war crime is too heinous, Israel will commit it, over and over again. There are war crimes for boys, girls, old, young and every other kind of war crime enjoyer, 2026 will be packed full of crimes that will take The Hague decades to unravel,” said Netanyahu before dousing himself in a liquid labelled “Palestinian baby blood” and moaning. “The prime minister's recently released list of upcoming atrocities against the Palestinian plague is nowhere near evil enough. Do you think Hitler or Mussolini would be caught dead committing just genocide? No! We must erase the very concept of Palestinians off the face of this Earth so that no one even remembers they existed!” said Finance Minister Bezalel Smotrich while flipping through photos on his phone of maimed Palestinian children in Gaza. Following the release of the list, many U.S. officials and lawmakers warned Israel it would not be sending Christmas cards next year if it did not cease murdering Palestinians so openly. At press time, Human Rights Watch stated that the list of war crimes “was a major wake up call for the world,” going on to warn that Israel’s upcoming performance at the Eurovision Song Contest in Vienna could result in “a mass ear bleeding epidemic” if Israel is not stopped.