Look, I understand that governments exist for a reason. They are there to ensure that we have a functional society and don’t just have a lawless hellscape, and I also know why we have elections; they allow the citizens of nations to decide their future based on what they believe and what they feel is best for their country. It also prevents those who go drunk with power from keeping that power forever.

However, I’m so fucking goddamn pissed that you stupid motherfuckers voted for Kiwi rather than me. What was it? Am I not worthy of the title of wasteof president? Is it because I’m an owl, huh? You morons would vote for a plank of wood if someone stuck googly eyes on it. Like seriously, what’s your problem? You had a perfectly good candidate right here, but no! You just had to go and vote for someone else!

That’s why I am going to do everything in my power to overthrow this incoming government, even if it kills me.

You read that right, I’m going to perform a coup d'état the likes you’ve never seen before. It’s the only option left. The democratic system has failed me, and that means you have left me no choice but to unseat Kiwi from power and make myself your president no matter the cost.

I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m bluffing, but trust me, I am not. I will overthrow this government or die trying. Which will likely be the latter.