WASHINGTON—In a remarkable shift in medical policy from the Trump administration, the Department of Health and Human Services has announced it will offer free healthcare to elderly Trump voters until November 7th, 2028. “As part of our mission to ‘Make America Healthy Again,’ I am proud to announce that the United States government will be offering free, comprehensive healthcare to the elderly who have and will vote for President Trump until November 7th 2028. After that point, the official policy will be ‘if you can’t afford it, die,’” said HHS Secretary RFK Jr. during a press briefing in the White House with the president slumped over in his chair snoring as his legs swelled even more in his shoes. “It’s a very great thing we’re doing. Very good. Possibly the most goodest [sic] thing ever done in history possibly. They’re already saying it; ‘Trump is keeping us healthy, Trump is our hero,’ they’re saying that, it's true. Not something you hear on the woke liberal mainstream media. We’re going to keep my old as shit voters clinging to life so they can vote for me and save America from woke and the Democrats and their goal to make everyone computer and transgender,” said the president after being shaken awake by an aide. In reaction to the news, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) said it was "imperative that all Americans can have affordable or free healthcare, not just those who support the president,” but went on to stipulate when asked how to broaden the availability of such policies to the rest of the nation that “the Democrat position is we will always fuck ourselves over even when we’re winning the argument.” At press time, Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins announced that SNAP benefits would only be provided to Trump supporters from now on.