HOUSTON, TX—Looking on in complete shock and astonishment at what they were witnessing, a group of flat-earthers sent up into space by NASA were stunned to see that the Earth was neither flat or spherical, but rather triangular. “I don’t know what to say, I’ve spent so many years trying to uncover the government cover-up over the Earth being round. I was certain it was flat, it had to have been. But I’m wrong, its a triangle. My God, now I’m scared of standing on one of the corners, I might get cut,” said Harold Renfield, a flat-earther part of the mission who was seen leaving the space shuttle with tears rolling down his face and a wet patch on his crotch that reportedly smelled of urine. “I’m honestly kinda pissed too, I mean I gave up on the whole Illuminati conspiracy stuff years ago after that fell out of favour and moved on to the flat Earth conspiracy. But now I see the truth, the Illuminati is real, and they control the very shape of the planet! Run!” Mr. Renfield then proceeded to duck under a nearby table and sob like a baby. At press time, the NIH announced it planned to invite conspiracy theorist Alex Jones to show him that the frogs are turning the friggin’ water gay, not the other way around.