The Wasted Onion

Files Reveal Epstein Procured Victims By Hiding Golden Tickets To His Island In Chocolate Bars

Files Reveal Epstein Procured Victims By Hiding Golden Tickets To His Island In Chocolate Bars
14 MAY 2026

WASHINGTON—Laying bare the depravity of the deceased and disgraced financier yet again, new files released by the Department of Justice Thursday revealed that convicted child sex offender and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein procured victims by hiding golden tickets to his private island in chocolate bars. "Congratulations! You have won a free tour of Little Saint James! Or what I like to call my personal sanctuary where clothes are very much discouraged. Me and my friends cannot wait to meet you! Especially if you're petite and haven't had all of your baby teeth fall out yet," said a personal message from the paedophile engraved onto the golden tickets, according to a photo released by the DOJ. The tickets, of which around 3,000 were produced, were packaged inside "Epstein's Exceptionally Excellent Chocolate Confectionery" branded bars and sold in supermarkets and Trump golf courses, with the tickets instructing winners to arrive at disused runways in the dead of night, where the sex offenders private jet, known as the "Lolita Express," would pick up victims and fly them to Epstein island. Other files also show that Epstein was planning to release other products to lure in victims, such as a brand of chewing gum entitled "Jeffrey's Joyously Yummy Chewy Gummy," another product with the working title of "Popping Paedophilia Candy," and an energy drink named "Prime," which was then acquired and launched by influencers Logan Paul and KSI. At press time, more images released by the DOJ showed that updated wrappers for the Epstein-owned chocolate bars featured a tagline which read "may every whimsical bite be another wonderful secret!"