PALM BEACH, FL—Causing confusion and conspiracy theories to swirl, the FBI confirmed that financier, convicted child sex offender and sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein had been found dead from suicide for the third time Thursday. "The FBI can confirm that Jeffrey Epstein, who faced charges of sex trafficking minors, has been found deceased again for the third time nearby his grave in what is believed to be a third apparent suicide," said FBI Director Kash Patel while downing a bottle of bourbon. "I am aware of the third apparent suicide of Jeffrey Epstein. This third death of Mr. Epstein raises important questions that need to be answered. Luckily Pam Bondi left me an Ouija board," said a statement from Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche. The third suicide of the disgraced financier comes after his second suicide in February this year, which was first reported by The Wasted Onion and its extremely fuckable field reporters. Later as the FBI held a press conference to explain the details of Mr. Epstein's third self-termination, the agency claimed that the same groundskeepers at the IJ Morris Star of David Cemetery who found Epstein's corpse after his second suicide attempt were the first to find his rotted corpse for the third time. The groundskeepers alleged this time that the paedophile had escaped his unmarked tomb and drowned himself in the lake next to the cemetery. At press time, prediction market Kalshi had begun to allow its users to bet on when Epstein would come back to life and kill himself for the fourth time, as well as what method he may use.