INVERNESS, SCOTLAND—Causing chaos Sunday in their owner's home, Nibbles, a Siamese house cat owned by Wasted Onion reporter Kyle Doyle, was found sitting on his keyboard while he attempted to write this artickwenpie wnhtipewqnhti pewtiejwip thewithiew ujbpipevivwe ihepwh vt9p0ewhgtiphnbew.

"Nibbles! No! Off, now!" shouted Mr. Doyle as the feline continued to sit on the ggggggggggggggggggggg eibhgtioebwdiotgewe ne9igthew vwg shit gweg. "eitgihewtgipweeoptyjnewogmwe gevjh hhhhhhhhhhhh nwiiwen iqwtgn ew engiew ngewn gnewi ngiewsngin weiogne wghn iowengiewnb gnebi gbnwegebwng hb fffffffffffffffff iweigf eiwgt ioeew crap gbeio gbioewn iengioen gionewig niwegn iengio wtqe wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww jt9w wenig nwogn fuck gwngnw igneiw mnwqpw ngiowegionwe nww0pnt wo20 wqgf owsanvog sap'g0w 3qujt03ht9bwnog saogos gjogo."

Nibbles, a three-year-old Siamese who was adopted by Doyle a year ago from his local animal shelter, has been a repeat offender of keyboard-based sitting. Previous incidents have seen Mr. Doyle send a barrage of gibberish messages to his fellow journalists on Slack, with some examples like "aye I'll have that done by jheehdtgikewsiote ngioneign ewgewg nwegn wg nerwsdg nsnghogewsng nwetgo," and "sorry Nibbles decided that she'd sit on my kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk." Previous attempts to broker a truce between the feline and her owner have been fruitless, leaving a stalemate in which both sides are in an arms race to either sit on or protect the keyboard.

"Come on, Nibbles! I really need to get this article published or I'm going to be super behind deadline!" pleaded Doyle to his furred companion, resulting in the cat finally releasing the keyboard from her clutches. "Okay, finally," said Doyle as he sat down at his computer to complete this articentgebnwitneiw. "Tegd ew htewhntiewnh tiewi tgbwebge wiogbtiewtgbn btgiewb peioied ngngt onen egn geoig igrnhgr Nibbles get off! Peiipe des wtignew nmgisrdnf ignrdweg nhewtihew iwenewd i9oetnwqp wnofgwsa qlnkngte ignoew jged opujtou Shit, not the coffee! That's gonna stain the carpet for sure! You complete and utter motherfuckynnetgewrstge bitwibteiw btgiew nbtgiewbn emotg owengewd."

At press time, Nibbles continued to sit on the keyboard and refused to budge as Doyle attempted to remove the coffee stains from his carpet, leaving the keyboard to the mercy of the pain in the ass Nibbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb fuck! I give up! Just fuck it alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

[EDITORS NOTE: CAN SOMEONE GO AND CHECK IN ON KYLE? I THINK HE'S ON THE VERGE OF A COMPLETE MENTAL BREAKDOWN. HR CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER "FORTH RAIL BRIDGE ALL-NATURAL" INCIDENT]