MANCHESTER, ENGLAND—Arguing that power is over-centralised in Westminster, British Prime Minister Andy Burnham announced Thursday the rollout of eight new regional executive offices, dubbed Number 10 North, South, East, West, North East, North West, South East, and South West.

"For 40 years, power and resources have been sucked into the centre, and too many communities have felt forgotten," said Mr. Burnham in a statement outside No. 10 North in Manchester city centre. "No. 10 North, South, East, West, North East, North West, South East, and South West will change that by putting more power into every postcode across the entire country. As time goes on, we will turn every single postcode in Britain into its own mini 10 Downing Street."

The new offices, established in Manchester, Brighton, Norwich, Swindon, Newcastle, Liverpool, Oxford, and Bristol, alongside the traditional No. 10 found in London, will see the prime minister split his time between all the different offices. Each outpost will feature a fully functional civil service, alongside their own Number 11 to house the Chancellor when they visit. Responding to criticism that he would not be able to split his time effectively between the new regional hubs, Burnham insisted he could easily solve the logistical issue by having his various limbs surgically removed and mailed separately to each office.

"The days of Whitehall resisting devolution are over for good," continued the prime minister, pausing his speech mid-sentence to board the RAF Voyager Vespina for a 12-minute flight from No.10 North to No. 10 South. "It will be the situation room for making Britain better or worse. The place we use to get power out of Westminster, into the hands of people at a local level, so that they can turn things around, meaning I don't have to do jack shit. With the ultimate goal of turning the entirety of Britain into one giant No. 10."

At press time, Burnham announced plans to rename Scotland’s Bute House and the Welsh Senedd to No. 10 Really North and No. 10 Really West respectively, alongside Northern Ireland's Stormont Castle to No. 10 Yeah Not Touching That Political Landmine, with further plans to create a No. 10 Narnia housed inside a wardrobe in IKEA.