WICHITA, KS—Excitedly announcing the huge spike in revenue over the last month, the anonymous CEO of autism has said they are making a killing selling Tylenol right now. “I cannot tell you how much money we here at autism are making selling Tylenol at record levels. Ever since President Trump and RFK Jr. said there is a supposed link between the painkiller and autism, we have been making absolute bank handing out these lil caplets out like its trick or treat!” said the CEO while shrouded in darkness in a video posted online. “Our cash cow used to be selling MMR vaccines since there are so many morons who seem to think those caused autism, but Tylenol has really taken off, so many people are gonna think they’re gonna get some ‘quirky’ form of autism that everyone romanticises on social media, but in reality, they’re getting nothing but Tylenol. Get fucked, idiot!” In reaction, the White House and Department of Health and Human Services in a joint statement said they were “deadly serious” when it claimed Tylenol was linked to autism, claiming that “the worms told us, the worms are always correct. ALL HAIL THE WORMS!” At press time, the CEO of measles was seen reportedly pumping their fist in the air after learning that cases of the disease have reached record highs in the United States.