DAYTON, VA—Hailing the boost to the local economy that the high-tech facility will bring, local officials announced Monday that a new AI data centre built in the town of Dayton, Virginia has created a total of one job for the area.

"This new data centre has already done so many great things for our community," said Dayton Mayor Sam Lee, proudly holding a check for $100 from the AI industry. "We've significantly boosted the local economy with the single job brought in by this facility. That position has provided someone with a stable minimum wage income to afford enough gas to get about halfway to his new workplace. I understand the hesitance from residents regarding the drawbacks of a data centre, such as blackouts or the deafening hum of cooling fans, but hey, it all worked out in the end, isn't that right, Grok?"

Following the opening of the AI data centre, residents began to complain of endless, droning noise from the facility that made sleeping or thinking essentially impossible. Other locals warned that the data centre had electrified the town's water supply, resulting in over 13 confirmed fatalities. Meanwhile, residents reported that their electronic devices, including computers, laptops, tablets, and phones, had their RAM and GPUs mysteriously removed when left unattended, prompting local Facebook groups to theorise that the data centre's single employee was sneaking into houses to harvest the precious components.

"I mean, a job is a job, I suppose," said Ben Dixon, the data centre's sole employee, whose workspace consists of a single 1x1 metre utility cupboard. "I basically just sit there and wait until an unexplained disembodied voice tells me to do something. Other than that, I just kinda hang out and watch TikTok. Pretty easy gig. The main downside for me is how I have to wear this shock collar, not the most comfortable thing in the world, y'know?"

At press time, tech giants OpenAI, Microsoft, Google, and Anthropic announced plans to build six additional AI data centres in Dayton, creating a whopping two extra jobs for the local area.